To open your heart to something, someone or to a connection that is real, true, pure, passionate, kind, respectful, supportive and loving is one of the most wonderful feelings to experience, you could ever have.

To be born into or walk into a situation that is supposed to be a safe place of love and trust puts you in a frame of mind that is open, reliant and unprepared for anything other than a kind approach to communicating, sharing and caring.  To share the depths of your soul with someone and then be laughed at, ridiculed, yelled at, made fun of, placated, told you will never amount to anything, manipulated, with distorted opinions thrown at you tearing your dignity, thoughts, hopes, and dreams apart, rips apart the essence of who you truly are.

Verbal Abuse:  A form of emotional abuse consisting of the use of abusive and demeaning language with a spouse, child, or elder, often by a caregiver or other person in a position of power. 

Verbal abuse is one of the most, crewel, thoughtless, negative and controlling betrayals out there.  An action that intentionally and inappropriately harms or injures another person.  It is an abuse of trust.  This can come from a husband or wife, mother or father, someone you thought was your best friend, an uncle or aunt, grandfather or grandmother, an older sibling or cousin, neighbors, piers at school, an employer, teacher, the list goes on and on.

If this happens when you are a child it creates a level of defeat within yourself before you even get going.  You have been beaten down with words, but on the up side you can climb back up and out of it.  Realizing that this behavior is dysfunctional control, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, is the first step in realizing your greatness.  Unfortunately, there are people out there that use their position of power to control, dominate and hurt others.  If you are older when this happens, you may think it will pass, things will get better, or it is just temporary and a stage the other person is going through.  Then, before you know it years have gone by and nothing has changed.  But do not fool yourself, something has changed, you have changed.  You have allowed yourself to stay in an unhealthy, non supportive, unkind, selfish and unloving situation or relationship.

Are you in denial?  A stage of denial may come into play if you are trapped in this situation and cannot leave.  This could be a mental trap, you may be emotionally distraught, have young children, feel as though you can’t make it alone, distracted, or you may be a minor and have to wait until you are older.  Denial can lead you into wanting to numb yourself of the true reality that is going on, by going into your own world, using alcohol or drugs as a distraction, traveling on business trips or getting lost in books, whichever is the case this puts you in a state of being not present, unaware, robotic and disconnected, building a shield or wall around yourself at the same time closing off your heart.   You are not living life you are just going through the motions.  But, you became tired of the sharp pain stabbing your heart, being built up, only to be knocked down again.  There has to be a time when you stop, turn around, and say “No” to what you do not want.  Taking a stand with all that you are and knowing with every inch of your mind, body and soul you deserve better.  When you are clear about what you do not want, what you do want is crystal clear.

As individuals, we thrive in the company of people who love us, care about us, honor our dreams, respect us, are kind to us and at the same time, throw no judgments on us.  This is what you need to surround yourself with.

The Aftermath

You have escaped, but now you are walking around with a closed heart, you are emotionally unavailable, you have a wall built up around you 50 miles wide and you wonder, why you are not attracting love. Well, a loving person will see how lovable you are, but they will also see how blocked and closed off you are.  They are not sure if they can break through your wall, to the real you.  This is not the other person’s job, it is your job.

You were treated horribly.  It is now important to focus on the understanding of the situation and grow from it.  The knowledge you gain makes you wiser.  The situation was this:  You did nothing wrong except choose the wrong person to trust, you were sucked into there deceit and then betrayed.  If you were born into the situation you still need to realize, there was nothing wrong with you, you were a target of dysfunctional behavior.  You had the courage to break away, now you must use your courage to live your authentic life.  Your protection in life is this: do not take things personally and stay detached.  People’s views and opinions are just that, their personal views and opinions.  They have nothing to do with you, you know who you are.  Do not let a random perspective limit who you are.

If you choose to stay in victim mentality, your abusers win. 

Yes you were victimized, but it is now your choice to either stay victimized or grow out of it.  Now you are free to live, feel, enjoy, love and experience the beauty of a real, caring, true connection.  As these connections and relationships, or one particular connection or relationship grows in a healthy manner you will see and feel a heartfelt, genuine, consistent elevation, of unconditional kindness, respect, consideration and love.  When you are ready to trust yourself and the new choices you make by loving yourself, listening to your heart and instincts, doing what feels natural to you, you will then know that you are living without the hurtful pain of the past.  You have put it behind you as an experience and grown from it.  It was not easy, but you are stronger and more aware of what is acceptable and of what you want because of it.

By: Victoria Levine